Hey Ladies
by Reeve
Summary: Vincent takes his revenge on Hojo, with the aid of some unlikely accomplices. Originally written as part of a meme for Vincent's birthday. Warnings: implied yaoi, implied beastiality, violence.


Ever since Cloud had unlocked the door and awakened him from his otherwise eternal rest, Vincent had built up his skills, refining his marksmanship and learning to control his very literal inner demons. By the time he returned to Nibelheim that particular day, he was stronger, and far more skilled with both guns and materia, than he'd ever been as a Turk.

He could spot her as she came, half-running, down the mountain path; Elena, formerly of the Turks, now making a living as a wandering Materia hunter and seller, having inexplicably teamed up with Yuffie after the Meteor disaster.

"I got it," she panted as she came before the crimson-cloaked gunman. She dug into her satchel and pulled out a large brown envelope, which she promptly pressed into Vincent's hands. "His whereabouts, his personnel files from Shinra, everything."

Vincent opened the envelope and peered into it, scanning the first few lines of the top page. "Very good. And you sent my request along to Yuffie, I take it?"

"Yeah, but she kind of balked when I told her what you wanted her to do. Says it's going to cost you triple, seeing as how the job's so dangerous."

"Not a problem. Now, as for _your _payment—"

Elena waved a hand and shook her head, smiling. "Don't worry about it. I didn't do this for the money."

Vincent gave her a questioning look.

"You see, it's just that I have some idea of what you're gonna do, and, well… I'm all for it. I can't stand that jerk myself."

Vincent bristled. "What has Hojo done to _you?_"

"Name-calling, ass-pinching, derogatory comments, you name it. It wasn't just me, either. Every other woman who had to work within fifty feet of him got the same treatment," Elena replied, her voice dripping with disgust. "I've never met a bigger pig in my entire life—not in Shinra, SOLDIER, or the Turks."

"Well," Vincent said, "something that held true in my time—and I hope was the case with your former companions—is that Turks must always behave honorably and respectfully, even to their victims."

Elena nodded. "Yeah, that's how it was while I worked with them-- I love those guys. The President and the executives were gentlemanly as well—except Scarlet, of course. But _Hojo_…" she grimaced. Leaning closer to Vincent, she said in a low voice, "Hey. When you get your revenge on him, can I be there?"

"If you wish, and invite any other ex-Shinra that you like. However, I must warn you that what I have planned isn't for the faint of heart."

"Hmm. We'll see about that," Elena replied. She said goodbye to Vincent, then turned and started her journey back across the mountains.

---

Indeed, the harassment Elena had been subjected to sounded bad, but it was nothing compared to the absolute torture that Hojo had inflicted on Vincent, all those years ago.

First, there was the mental torture of Lucrecia's death. His dearest friend at the time, she had died 'for the sake of science,' as Hojo had claimed. Professor Gast, the Planet rest his kind soul, disagreed with him, thoroughly convinced that Lucrecia's life could've been saved. He promptly left for Midgar the day after she died, to file a report with President Shinra and see about having Hojo removed from the Jenova Project.

It was then, following Gast's departure, that the _physical_ torture began.

After watching Gast's chocobo disappear over the grassy fields, Vincent turned and marched into the Shinra Mansion, then down to the lab in the basement, to confront Hojo himself. During that confrontation, nothing Vincent said about the loss of Lucrecia so much as kindled a spark in the scientist's cold heart. Despite her intelligence, skill, and professional demeanor, he treated her merely as a means to manufacture his perfect son, seducing her with whatever lies he whispered in her ear. This was something Vincent realized only after he stirred to consciousness, long after Hojo had injected that sleeping serum into his veins and took the opportunity to strip him bare and secure him to the examination table. Hovering over him was Hojo himself, berating him, saying he was weak, effeminate, a _girl_; all things which were—obviously—not true. However, if anyone were to walk in on them during that moment, as well as the ones that followed, they might be inclined to agree with the scientist who was perched atop the naked Turk, breathing heavily and loudly swearing the name of Gast.

It did not stop there, as in the weeks that followed, Hojo subjected his newest "specimen" to all sorts of humiliating acts, particularly ones involving monsters. There was a chocobo, a Nibel Wolf, an icy cold Snow woman, a searing hot Bomb. And then there was the Malboro, with its unbearably bad breath, thousands of needle-thin teeth, and numerous slithering green tentacles; Vincent continued to have nightmares about that last one for many years to come. Finally, after settling on four particularly rare beasts that were—in Hojo's words—"compatible" with the Turk, Vincent's fate was sealed. He was merged with Galian, Death Gigas, Hellmasker, and Chaos; his left arm—horribly disfigured in an incident involving a Tonberry and a Cactuar—was wrapped in bandages and metal; he was given his final shot of sleeping serum, this one far more powerful than any other he had received before; and then he was sealed away in a coffin in an adjacent room. It was there he slept for so many years, until Cloud, Tifa, and the others came along, during their quest to stop Hojo's power-mad son from destroying everything.

It was to Tifa's house that Vincent headed next, after his rendezvous with Elena. She had moved back to Nibelheim after Meteor landed, despite Cloud's wish for her to join him on his quest to find a way to bring Aeris back. A 'fool's errand' was how Tifa described it, that evening when she confided to Vincent in her decision to return to her hometown, no matter how alien the place seemed these days. From that point on, Vincent saw her frequently, but today's visit was to be different.

"Hello Vincent," Tifa said, answering the door with a smile. "Now, I remember you saying over the phone that you had something important to discuss with me. Is that why you're here?"

"Yes. You see, Hojo is alive, as I have suspected."

"What? But we killed him back in Midgar!"

Vincent shook his head. "That was merely his clone; his own Jenova cell-fused puppet. My suspicions and fears were confirmed today by this," he said, holding up the envelope he received from Elena. "In a way, I'm glad that he's alive. Death would've been far, far too kind for him."

Perhaps Tifa could sense the anger bristling beneath Vincent's skin, wanting to unleash itself in the form of a berserker monster, because at that moment, she pulled Vincent into the kitchen and set him at the table.

"I know you bear a grudge against Hojo," she said as she took the seat opposite of his. "He must've put you through a lot. Anyway, you should be aware that I'm here to help in any way I can."

Vincent nodded appreciatively. "For that, I am thankful. Now, here's the plan…"

--------

After a long, hard journey across the frozen wastes of the Northern Continent, Vincent and Tifa found themselves in Icicle Inn. This was their first time back in this town since the Meteor disaster, and the place was much the same. After booking lodgings at the inn which was the town's namesake, they headed to the innocuous-looking house across the way—the former home of Professor Gast, and the current hideout of Hojo. Vincent—now dressed in the dark blue suit of a Turk, with his locks shorn to their previous length—tried to open the door, and upon finding that it was locked, drew out his gun and shot at the keyhole. It took a second shot and a hard-hitting kick from Tifa to convince the lock to give way, and they opened the door, finding themselves in a dimly-lit room furnished by numerous gadgets and devices lining the walls. Standing before one set of gadgets, his back turned to his uninvited guests, was Vincent's target himself.

The scientist looked over his shoulder and sneered at Vincent and Tifa. "What the hell do you want? Can't you leave me alone? Don't you think that, after killing my son and his ambitions, you've tortured me enough?"

"You, of all people, should know the proper meaning of torture," Vincent intoned. Hojo stared at him, his eyes widening.

"So it _is_ you, after all," the scientist mused, his hand on his chin. "I thought that metal glove looked familiar when I first saw you in the Northern Crater."

Vincent flexed the mutilated fingers hidden beneath his glove; along with his red eyes, it was the only thing about him that remained different from his past self. "You mean to say that all this time, you didn't recognize me? Vincent Valentine, of the Turks?"

"I heard that name being attributed to you, but I had my doubts," Hojo said, coming closer. "I never thought someone would actually take the time to concern themselves with my little game and awaken the likes of you, my soft, unyielding feminine little Turk."

Deadpan, Vincent murmured, "I wonder if Gast ever described you in those exact same words."

Tifa turned to look at the Turk, horrified; Vincent met her stare with his own, sad look.

"Don't speak that name to me again!" Hojo spat. "That bastard intended to do away with me. Said that my scientific techniques were _inhumane_."

"Well they were, weren't they?" Tifa snapped. She was about to say more, when the door opened and three more people entered the room. Removing the hoods of their coats, Vincent and Tifa could see that it was Elena, Shera, and Scarlet. The latter, having caught sight of Tifa, glared at her. Tifa turned to Vincent, aghast; "Now how did _that_ bitch survive?"

"I used an Exit materia on myself shortly before the Proud Clod's meltdown," Scarlet replied. "I'm rather surprised to see _you_ here, you little slut! I thought that Sephiroth would've made mincemeat of you and your friends."

"Enough of this bickering," Vincent cut in. "That's not why you're here, is it?"

"Of course not," Scarlet replied, taking off her coat and revealing her voluptuous form, which caused Hojo to cock an eyebrow. "I'm here to give Hojo something, if he's properly secured, that is."

Vincent nodded and called Elena and Tifa to his side. They started their approach toward Hojo. Using her martial arts skills, Tifa quickly found and utilized the pressure point on Hojo that would weaken his muscles, while Vincent grabbed Hojo's wrists, and Elena his ankles, both from behind. Scarlet smiled grimly and approached the scientist, her hands on her hips. Then, in one swift motion, she kneed Hojo in the crotch. The scientist buckled from Scarlet's attack.

"_That_ is for all the times you drooled at my chest during executive meetings. And _this_," she said, kneeing him again, "is for 'convincing' President Shinra to make you legally immune to sexual harassment lawsuits!"

"Huh, no wonder my own complaint was rejected so quickly!" Shera said. "I wonder how he was able to get the President to take such measures…"

"Use your imagination, dearie," Scarlet smirked as she walked over to the table and took a seat. "Kya ha ha, that felt good! I have quite a few others I'd like to dish out, but this is Vincent's revenge show, not mine!"

"All in good time," Vincent smiled as he let go of Hojo's arms. The scientist collapsed onto the floor. "Though I must admit that it was rather pleasing to see one of the women that he's harassed lash back at him."

"I didn't think he would be that easy to subdue," Tifa said, while Elena nodded in agreement. "Doesn't he have Jenova cells in him?"

Vincent stared down at the still-dazed Hojo, struggling to get up. "The Hojo clone did. However, the _real_ Hojo would not have been so foolish." He pulled out his Sniper CR and pointed it straight at Hojo's head. "Isn't that right?"

"You think you can get away with this, don't you, my wimpy little Turk?"

"What did you call me?" Vincent snarled. Once again, Tifa had to reel him back from the abyss, taking his hand and pulling him away, but only slightly.

"Stand up," Vincent commanded. Despite the weakness in his muscles-- and his crotch-- Hojo did as he was told. Vincent turned and looked back at his female companions; they all nodded, and some of them even drew their own weapons and pointed them at Hojo. Pleasantly surprised by this gesture on their part, Vincent turned his attention back to his captive.

"Now, take off your clothes."

"What?" Hojo replied.

"You heard me."  
Grumbling and shaking, the latter doubtless from all the pressure coming from Vincent and the fully-armed and battle-ready women by his side, Hojo shed his clothing piece by piece. When he finally removed his underwear, Scarlet burst out laughing.

"Kya ha ha! I knew it all this time! Poorly-endowed."

Elena stared at him, shaking his head. "Well, I guess that explains everything. The sexist talk, his torture of Vincent…"

"He was compensating, wasn't he," Shera sighed, staring down at the spear in her hands, which she had borrowed from her housemate. "I can see that…"

All the other women and Vincent turned to stare at Shera, who blushed and replied, "What are you all looking at me like that for?"

Vincent cleared his throat and turned back to Hojo, who was shivering in the chilly room, his knees ready to give way under his still-weak body. Vincent pulled a surgical glove from his pocket and carefully pulled it onto his right hand, while Tifa removed her own battle gloves and followed suit with both of her hands. Together, they picked Hojo up and strapped him to the cold, metal table in the center of the room.

"This isn't funny anymore, Vincent," Hojo murmured. "You mean to tell me that you don't remember all those good times we had together, back when both Lucrecia and Gast were out of our way, leaving us alone to do as we pleased?"

Vincent grasped the table and glared into Hojo's eyes. "'We'? _'We'?!_ Maybe they were good for _you_, you sick, twisted pervert, but for me, 'those times' brought little more than humiliation and pain."

Hojo smirked. "Don't be ridiculous. I know what you have planned. You want to recreate those times, with our roles reversed, don't you?"

Fully aware of the four sets of curious and questioning female eyes upon them, Vincent took a deep breath and lowered his gaze. "In a manner of speaking, yes."

"So, what are we waiting for?" Hojo cooed.

Vincent bit his lower lip and stroked his captive's face, pleased to find that Hojo's skin was covered in sweat and goosebumps. "I'm waiting for Yuffie, if you must know."

"Yuffie?"

Vincent stood straight and addressed Elena. "Do you have any idea when Yuffie will be getting here? She's running late."

"I don't know. Last time I talked to her was yesterday, and she said she'd get here as soon as possible, but she couldn't guarantee anything."

"Damn it all," Vincent swore as he moved away from the table. "I suppose we're just going to have to wait, then."

"Wait for what?" piped up a familiar voice.

Everyone in the room turned their heads to the entranceway, where Yuffie was casually leaning against the doorjamb, wearing a strange-looking crown on her head. "Hiya everyone!" she greeted. "Well, I got it! Vincent, this payment you're promising better be damn good! Gawd, you won't be_lieve_ how long it took me to manipulate that totally gross… _thing._"

"Where is it?"

"Right by the skylight. Should I send it in?"

Vincent walked over to one of the machines and hit a switch, opening a portal in the roof. Turning back to Yuffie, he smiled and said, "Please do. Everyone, you might want to move out of the way. This thing will be rather large."

Tifa, Elena, Shera, and Scarlet all looked at Vincent warily, but did as he suggested. Yuffie closed her eyes and concentrated; the jewels on her Hypnocrown glowed, simply following the lead of the yellow Manipulate materia slotted in her armlet. Soon, a large green beast came crashing into the room from above, it's tentacles slithering across the floor to the table where Hojo was strapped down.

"A _Malboro?!_" Tifa gasped in horror.

"My only wish is that I could've done worse," Vincent replied, as he pulled out a Master Magic materia—Yuffie's payment—and handed it to the eager ninja. He then took out a Hypnocrown of his own and, with a casting of Manipulate, took control of the Malboro for himself. In the meantime, the ugly, green monster breathed black smoke into Hojo's face and extended a dozen tentacles to various parts of his prone form. Tifa split her horrified gaze between Hojo and Vincent, while Scarlet stared at the scene on the table in sick fascination, as though she was looking at a car crash; Yuffie closed her eyes and pressed her palms against her ears, the better to muffle the sloppy squishing sounds intermingled with Hojo's cries, while Elena and Shera started to make their way to the front door.

"None of you have to stay here if you don't want to," Vincent said quietly, but not so much so that he couldn't be heard over the human/Malboro intercourse that was taking place. "I very much appreciate all that you've done for me these past few days, and your support and assistance will not be forgotten."

The women didn't have anything to say afterward, and it was a while before any of them spoke again.

"Um, do you want me to pick you up another monster?" Yuffie asked.

Vincent was about to say no, then he stared down at his left arm and replied, "A Tonberry and a Cactuar, if you would be so kind."

Yuffie nodded, and Elena added, "I'll help her get them." Together, the two materia hunters left the house. Not long after, Scarlet and Shera turned to leave.

"Well, I must admit that you're approach was certainly more… _creative_… than anything I would've been able to come up with," Scarlet admitted. "Really now, wherever _did_ you ever get such a delightfully twisted idea?"

Grimly, Vincent replied, "Why don't you ask Hojo?"

Scarlet, not having anything to say to that, simply nodded her good-bye and left the house. Shera stared at Vincent, almost pleadingly, as if trying to subconsciously tell him not to be too rough on Cid should his turn came around, then followed the former Shinra executive out into the snow.

Now, Tifa was the last one to go. She bid a simple goodbye to her friend, and invited him over for lunch next week. He took her invitation and asked what she was going to do with herself the rest of the day.

"I don't know… probably do some snowboarding, then leave the next morning by the way we came."

"Well, if you run into Cloud and Aeris along the way, please tell them I said hello."

"What, you don't mean that Aeris really _is_ alive?! Like Hojo and Scarlet?"

Vincent smiled sadly. "Not in the slightest. It was a mere joke. No, she is gone for good."

Tifa shook her head ruefully. "That wasn't very funny, you know. She was a good friend to all of us."

"I know, but… you have no idea what I'm feeling right now." Vincent stared back at the table, which was now starting to buckle from the heavy Malboro's weight. "I know it's uncharacteristic of me, but I feel like I can make a joke of just about anything now…"

"Yes, well… happy birthday, then."

"Eh?"

"It _is_ your birthday today, isn't it? I can see that you've been making the most of it."

Vincent didn't reply. Honestly, during his meticulous preparation for this day's events, he'd forgotten about it. As an event, his birthday never meant much to him; yet he couldn't help thinking how ironic it was that it had managed to coincide with his plans for his single worst enemy.

From behind him, he felt Tifa's presence vanish, and heard the door as it closed. His thoughts turned to one of Tifa's earlier comments, regarding the crack he'd made about Aeris being alive. No, it was _not_ like him to make such jokes, or to punish Hojo in this manner to begin with, but he couldn't help it. He had been driven to this point by a madman; thus, it was only appropriate that he lash back at him with a little madness of his own.

_(Originally written October 16, 2004.)_


End file.
